Serial Love
by TheQueen117
Summary: For a long time, she didn't know what to do. An unofficial sequel to Gideondorf's To Lose Someone


**Disclaimer****: I own only my ideas**

**Serial Love**

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**Warning:** Rape Culture, Victim Blaming

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******Inspiration: **To Lose Something by Gideondorf on AO3 - _Go read it! It'll certainly set the story in perspective! _

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When I hear tapping outside my window. I don't think it's my prince to come kiss me. I think its a serial killer about to kill me.

Anonymous

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When it is all done, she lies statue still beneath the blankets, chest heaving and thighs wet with her pleasure.

Besides her, Thorin sleeps peacefully, arm wrapped around her and face hidden in her curls. Taking comfort in her warmth.

She cries.

…

For a long time, she didn't know what to do.

During the day, Thorin was kind, loving even. If Bilbo was cold or hungry or frustrated, Thorin would be right there with a blanket or an apple or a hug. She had fallen into the habit of sending Bilbo warm smiles for no reason and laughing just a little longer at Bilbo's jokes. For the first time in a long time, Bilbo felt listened to and it was nice.

But at night…at night Thorin was…Bilbo did not understand what Thorin was and why she chose to do what she did. It was not that she changed with the setting of the sun, becoming evil like they do in the stories. Maybe if she did, Bilbo would be able to hate her or at least understand a little. But no! Thorin was just as sweet, just as attentive. She watched her strength and her force. She went slow. She went soft like she knew Bilbo liked it. She's always careful to make sure Bilbo cums first and her kisses were soft and loving and made Bilbo's toes curl.

In a way she enjoys it as much as see enjoys the attention she receives during the day…perhaps even more…

And yet, she could not ride herself of the first time where Thorin ignored her no. She had been right of course. Bilbo had enjoyed it. But still…

She doesn't know what to do. So she turns to her closest friend on the quest. She finally tells Bofur.

"If you're not up for it, say you're not up for it" Bofur said as she ladled that nights soup into a small bowl for her sister. Bombur was slowly becoming more responsive as the days past, even lucid during certain moments. But she still required her sister and cousin to care for her most of the time. The forest had been training for everyone, but Bilbo's heart wept for the Ur Family who had taken her in so readily.

Bombur was a kind soul. She did not deserve this.

"Yes, but you see…" Bilbo tries again. She was not wording it right and her tongue felt heavy. Yes, she enjoyed her new relationship with Thorin. Yes, she was beginning to fall for her. She just...she didn't feel safe around her at night.

"Look, Bilbo," Bofur sighs, "You're a dear friend so I'll put it to you plain. You're a cute relationship, the Queen and you. But you gotta work out your bed lives between you to. To go talking about it with others…" she pauses, setting the ladle back in the pot, "It's not done." She turns, one hand holding the bowl, the other on her hips in a way that reminded Bilbo of he late-mother, "In fact, I'd say it were shameful to both you and Thorin to go shouting about it as you are. This is a matter you ought to talk to the Queen with. Don't let something so trivial go ruining your relationship!"

For a moment, Bilbo is shocked before she comes to and stammers out an apology as quickly as she can before turning tail and running.

By the time Thorin joins her for dinner, her blush has calmed down and she's made up her mind.

They need to talk.

…

"You are silent tonight," Thorin greets. Around them the gloom of the forest hangs heavy, but she is cheerful in ways she has only been since their first coupling.

"I am merely attempting to find words," Bilbo replies from her place on the bed spread. Her's had been washed away with the river with most of their supplies. It made sense to share.

"Ah, my writer and my burglar," Thorin laughed, joining her. Her hands are quick to find their place beneath her shirt and Bilbo wiggles and squirms until Thorin withdraws her hand. "Bilbo what is wrong?"

"Why did you not stop?" She asks. They are the best words she can find.

Bilbo can see the outline of Thorin's frown in the shadows. "Stop when?"

"That first night." She clarifies, "Why did you not stop when I said no?"

And now Thorin is sitting, a considerable distance between them. "When did you say no?" she asks. There's a hurt to voice as if Bilbo had wounded her.

That didn't make any sense! It was Thorin who had wronged _her_. She was the victim! She'd said no. She'd told Thorin to stop...Or had she...Bilbo frowned and looked at her hands. Had she ever actually said it?

"If I have ever do something you do not enjoy, you must tell me," Thorin sighs, rubbing her hand along her forehead in the way she only ever did when she was facing an irritating problem. "I cannot read your mind, Bilbo, my love. You must speak to me."

"I..." Bilbo trailed off, unable to come up with a resort. She'd thought she'd said no...but...if she hadn't...

Thorin sighed a deep heavy thing, "Come here," she said opening her arms for a hug. It took Bilbo a second before scooting close, "Is this what has been on your mind these past few days?"

Bilbo nodded, tucking her head beneath Thorin's chin.

"Rest assured, my burglar," Thorin's voice rumbled around her as her arms tightened, "I strive to keep you safe. Never be afraid to voice your fears."

...

"Are you ready?" Thorin asks as she enters Bilbo's chambers dressed in her royal attire of deep blue and gold.

Bilbo glances around one last time at her old rooms. Soon she would be moving to the royal chambers because soon she would be married to the Queen of Erebor.

Was she ready? This was her last chance to back out. She could go home. Go to the Shire. Leave the East and its politics to someone else. Gandalf was here, she'd be happy to take her home.

She could live a normal life of a Hobbit.

"I'm ready," Bilbo smiles to herself in the mirror as she sets her comb down.

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**A/N:**

I wanted to explore rape culture. I'd read Gideondorf's work and my first thought was, what is Bilbo thinking during this?

Obviously, she wasn't okay with this, but she'd never vocalized her refusal and I wanted to see in a rape culture like our own where the most known definition of rape is no narrow how that would be used against her.

**For what most people don't realize is that rape is often times done by someone you trust/love and is rarely violent!**

So that image of a stranger stalking a girl in an alleyway? That's actually extremely rare. I read in America you are most likely going to be raped by your lover/family member. It really is sad that those who are raped by a lover are very rarely taken seriously.

For example, take Bofur's reaction. She didn't see it as rape because Bilbo and Thorin are in a relationship. She just saw it as a lover's tiff when it was anything but.

And the ending? Often times, rape survivors who never tell are shown to be driven mad by their abuse, especially when it happens multiple times. But once again, the media portrayal is rare. Most bury it. And some even go into long term, for the most part, healthy committed relationships with their relationships like what Bilbo did.

So does what made what happen to her OK? After all, it only happened once and Thorin didn't realize what she was doing. It wasn't like she did it with evil intentions. So she should be forgiven, right?

I hope you answer is NO. What Thorin did was wrong and I wonder if she will ever be punished for it. You never have the right to someone else's body.

Also, if there are any typos or erros, could you please tell me? Thank you!


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